Uncertainty
by RaspberryMintTea
Summary: The blade was poised about his skin, mere millimeters away from fading marks that still remained. He didn't know what to do anymore. "Eren..." he felt the punch before anything. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" "Man up!" "I can't believe Mikasa cares for someone like you!" A story where Jean helps Eren to realise more about 'Life'. /OOC, not shonen-ai unless you want it andsquint


Shingeki no Kyojin belongs to Hajime Isayama

warning: probably OOC and bad writing;;; (sorry)

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Chapter 1

The blade was poised about his skin, mere millimeters away from fading marks that still remained. Whether or not it was a good thing, he didn't know. He scrunched his face up a little. He didn't really know anything now that he thought about it. And that alone was enough to burying him deep under stress and frustration. He didn't know what to do with his life anymore, and seeing others know what direct path they wanted to take, even those who only had a somewhat vague idea, he felt utterly lost and left behind. Abandoned.

He would do it today. That was what he decided. He was always thinking about it, falling asleep at 3 in the morning and waking at 5, unable to go back to sleep. He was tired, really tired, of everything. Thinking back, there was always something stopping him, holding him back. But today there wasn't.

He smiled, only a small smile, but his green eyes almost twinkled. He was going to be free. He felt the blade digging into his skin, and a prickling sensation spread from his wrist, soon followed by little beads of red.

Eren swore suddenly. Dropping the blade immediately into the tepid bath water, he climbed out quickly, threw his mint towel around his waist and ran out of the bathroom, almost slipping in the process. He stopped only to grab a few tissues to press against his wrist. He didn't want to stain his white carpet with red; he had a feeling that Mikasa wouldn't be too pleased, though a trail of water was probably okay.

He ran to the coffee table and reached out to grab his phone, somehow knocking his knee into the leg of a chair.

"Eren"

All it took was one word to know how she was feeling. He could imagine her worried face right now, just like all those other times.

"Mikasa"

"Is something wrong Eren? It took you a long time to answer my call. Are you okay? You're not feeling sick are you? Maybe you-"

"Mikasa, calm down, I'm okay. You just... caught me at a bad time. I was taking a bath."

"Alright... But if you're ever ill or if there is anything bothering you call me immediately okay? I'll only be away for two more months."

"Yeah. I know."

He knows of course.

Mikasa was smart. She got into the top university without effort while Eren worked day and night for it, and he only just scraped through, courtesy of the waiting list. It was true for Armin as well. He hardly seemed stressed. Even Jean got through without too much to worry about, which surprised him. Who would ever have thought that horse-face was smart? He still hates to admit it, but horse-face was really only a little smarter than him. Only a little tiny bit.

He swore the only reason that Sasha was able to get into the university was because she had a temporary learning ability boost from eating all the food she splurged her two months worth of allowance on. How she even managed to save so much without using it to buy more food was already a miracle. But even so, it was only a temporary boost. If anyone met her in university, they would probably all question how she had even gotten accepted.

Remembering that Connie had also been placed on the waiting list somehow made him feel better, but knowing he was first on the list unlike himself, well, he was content to forget about that little detail. After all, the only real important thing is that they all managed to remain together, from high school to Uni. With the exception of Christa and Ymir who decided to go on a long holiday tour to who knows where.

Mikasa had been away for a month so far though. She had been offered an apprentice like job as a secretary for Legion, a high end company that was famous. Not surprising at all given that you didn't even need to know Mikasa personally to understand that she was probably the one person who was the closest to perfection you would ever meet in your life. They were all just waiting for it to happen.

She had originally decided to decline the offer, saying she needed to take care of Eren instead. It took Armin and him days of convincing, including Armin's strategic persuasive skills, as well as help from others, namely Jean, Sasha, Connie, and a phone call from Ymir and Christa, which really surprised them all –mainly the big question of how did they even know?- as well as short conversations and opinions from their seniors to convince her to accept the offer. Which still ended up being a pity because she had shortened the time to only 3 months. Mikasa was really stubborn at times. But Eren wasn't saying that 3 months was too short, hell, one month was more than enough to show everyone just how capable and intelligent she was.

Armin had also received a few offers, but he had declined them all, insisting that he finish his uni course first. Being best friends with two such capable people strained Eren at times. He would never be able to match up to them.

"Uh… I'm thinking pizza"

"Eren!"

"Okay, okay. I'll go over to Armin's for dinner. Is that better?"

"…Yes"

He could just hear her frustration.

He didn't want it.

"I need to go now Mikasa. There's some homework I need to do. Talk later."

"Alright, remember to take care."

"I'm not a child! I can manage! "

"…"

And he doesn't want to hurt her.

"…You take care too, Mikasa."

He kept the phone in his hands, long after the call was cut, towel around his waist, standing in the middle of the living room. The whole unit was pretty pristine, he made sure to go around and do at least some basic cleaning, just to show Mikasa, and everyone else, that he can actually manage by himself. But a part of him also doesn't want to worry Mikasa. Ever since she was adopted and became his sister, she was always watching out for him, caring for him, and basing her life around what he wanted. He didn't want to disappoint her. She had done enough for him already.

Armin as well. His mind rivaled the physical strength of many and he had never failed to save them from a pinch. It was amazing really.

He frowned, suddenly finding himself drowning in questions that came in waves. If he had really followed through earlier, would he have disappointed Mikasa and Armin? Would they hate him?

Shaking his head, he decided to focus on an easier question. Pizza or Armin's place? His unit was right next door, but he didn't feel like social contact at the moment.

.

Pizza it is then.

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RaspberryMintTea here;;;  
Hopefully the story wasn't too horrid or boring to read;; Sorry for any errors and OOC-ness  
Constructive criticism welcome! ((I really want to improve my writing : ))


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